Six weeks today. :)

Well, we're at 6 weeks now. I'm still praying daily that this baby survives, and gets to come home with us.
We have one week and one day before our first ultrasound, and I am equal parts thrilled and scared out of my mind, but I imagine that is par for the course.

From thebump.com: How big is our little potato?


Here is the survey that I had started with our angel (I'm praying that I get to do 30+ weeks of these):

How far along? 6w0days (start of seventh week)
Total weight gain/loss: down several pounds
Maternity clothes? yup, pants and some shirts. Most of my pants are just too uncomfortable, and I am loving my new JCP plus maternity jeans. They don't have the fully belly panel, which I'm not ready for, but stretchy band all around the top with a button close.
Stretch Marks?: Unfortunately yes, but not because of baby, but because I've been far too fluffy for far too long. :(
Sleep: Yup. I'm up 3-4 times a night to pee, but I end up falling asleep on the couch before bedtime anyways. :)
Best moment this week: I'm looking forward to this coming Sunday as that will be one day longer than we had our angel last year.
Food Cravings: Mashed potatoes, and meatloaf (that didn't turn out so well)
Gender: no idea. But I do keep referring to the baby as "them." I don't know if that is wishful thinking, or if my subconscious knows something I don't yet. ;)
Signs/Symptoms: Nausea, constipation, bloating, dizziness, cramping, fatigue
Labor Signs: God, no. :D
Belly Button in or out? Very much in. :D
What I miss: Being naive about early pregnancy, and not scared witless that this baby will leave us too.
What I am looking forward to: the next eight months or so. :D
Weekly Wisdom: Stay hydrated! I get some awful dizzy spells when I don't drink enough.
Milestones: Out of the first month already!

Beta #3

481! Awesome!! :D

As for the other bloodwork I had done yesterday, well, some of it is not so awesome. My cbc (complete blood count) was okay, although one type of white blood cell is elevated. I think it is one that resists viral infections, which would explain the cold I'm fighting off. My iron levels and hemoglobin are fine (I've been borderline anemic for a while) so that's great.

But then there is my thyroid. My darn thyroid levels (TSH) are headed back up again! And this is with me taking my meds every morning. Boo, thyroid, boo! My levels were about 3.4 in November, and now they're up to 5.6! Grr. So my Synthroid is upped now, and we'll recheck in 6 weeks. I wouldn't be so worried about it except I'm pretty sure I read a correlation to hypothyroidism and miscarriage, in addition to IF. As if I needed something else to worry about. :(

Other than that I'm doing fine. Continued symptoms and no spotting as of yet (Thank you, God!). The mood swings are pretty bad at times, though. I almost went off on my husband multiple times this evening, but somehow managed to keep from saying what I was thinking. Except when he asked me why I was so tired and sleeping on the couch when he got home. ;) I think my response was something like. "Because I'm pregnant and the baby is kicking my ass right now, that's why." :D

That's all for now, I'm headed to bed my yawning is interfering with my typing. ;)

Beta #2

197! at 14dpo, too. :)

My RE had me make an appt for the 7 wk u/s, which is on May 4th. I tried to get them to do it a week earlier so Ben could be there, but that was a no-go. :( Oh, well. At least by then I'll have my new cell phone, and I'll be able to send him a picture and a text message. :D

At this point, my RE is done having me do bloodwork, but I think I may ask my Primary care Doctor (whose office I'm working at today) if she'll give me a script for one more blood test. Because I am that neurotic and anxious. :D

I've been joined by my old friends nausea and fatigue, my companions from our first pregnancy. And a new visitor, Joy the Raging Bitch. Our cats pushed me over the edge last night (they have collectively decided not to use their litter boxes anymore) and I flew off the handle. And Ben didn't help, he was sitting there quietly fiddling with the new droid phone, probably in self-preservation, but I ended up yelling at him too. And when I say yelling, I mean loud, nearly at the top of my vocally trained voice, complete with multiple foul words that I now regret uttering. Not my usual self, that is for sure. :( Ben gave me a big hug before I went to bed, and I apologized for hollering at him. Hopefully this is not going to be a common occurance! ;)

So, on to week four day 1. :D Please stick, little one!!

What a beautiful word to see

Yup. Pregnant. :D Now hopefully our little miracle will be the stickiest of babies, and stay with us for the long haul. (God, I know you're listening, please let this be your will)

And here is a picture of my cup 'o pee sticks. I know it's kinda gross to keep them hanging around, but I have this obsessive need to look at them again. Yes I know that it's pointless after the initial test, but boy is it great to see those lines. :D


In addition to all the personal prayers that I am lifting up, here are a few more that I've come across and like very much (a few of them are altered to be more personal).

"Loving God, thank you for the gift of life, especially for the life growing within me. Please bless and keep Ben and I and our baby, that we all may grow strong together in Your love as we prepare to welcome this new baby into the world. Amen." (Link)

Father, we thank you for your marvelous gift; you have allowed us to share in your divine parenthood. During this time of waiting, we ask you to protect and nurture these first mysterious stirrings of life. May our child come safely into the light of the world and to the new birth of baptism. Mother of God, we entrust our child to your loving heart. Amen. (Link)

This life you have given us
is so tiny, fragile, and vulnerable,
safe in the womb of flesh and hope,
yet subject to danger and death.
O God of love, creator of life,
hear our prayer.
We want this baby so much.
Please grant this child of ours
a full term of nurture,
the joy and mystery of life,
and the blessing of your love.
Grant us the fulfillment of our dreams,
a baby to cherish and protect,
a child to teach and guide,
a blessing to our family.
Amen.
(Link)

Pee stick pictures :D

So, first we have evening of 10dpo (12dptrigger) after holding my pee for two hours and drinking lots of fluids:

This is the next morning at 0430 (11dpo and 13 dptrigger):
This pink dye test was very, very faint, but it is positive :D
This is Friday evening because I just had to see those lines again:

This is from this morning (Saturday) at 12dpo and (14dptrigger):

I will be peeing on the digital in the morning, and probably peeing Monday am too. I will also still be taking my temperature for a while yet. I'll most likely stop peeing on sticks once that second beta comes back, hopefully with good numbers! As for the temping, I don't know how long I'll keep that up. ;)

I'm hoping and praying my anxiety will start to calm down soon, but I know it's going to take a while. So I'll just keep praying and thanking God every time there isn't any blood on the toilet paper. :)

Well, I won't be posting about CD1 for some time.

Because I'm pregnant!!!

I'm still having a hard time believing it, but the pee sticks are pretty good proof, as is the beta of 41 when I had it drawn on Friday (11dpo). I am hoping and praying soooo hard that this is our miraculous sticky baby, and yet I am also preparing for the worst should we end up there again. ::sigh:: I'm praying that our angel is now our little bean's guardian angel, and watching over him or her (or them).

So, the events leading up to this wonderful occasion:

I did 300 units of gonal-f (fsh) in my belly from CD3 to CD12, with multiple visits to the vampires for blood draws. On Thursday 3/25 (CD11) I went in for my u/s, and there were four follies on my left, and one on my right, all of them between 14 and 15 mm. My RE wanted me to trigger on Saturday (which I did) and then wanted to do the IUI on Monday. I told him that wouldn't work because of our work schedules (and it really wouldn't of as I was the only nurse all day monday due to a call-in). So we decided that this cycle would be TI, and we had plenty of sex over the weekend and monday.

Now, I usually ovulate 24 hrs after the trigger, but not this month. In fact, I had such bad cramping on Monday morning that I was worried about OHSS and called my RE. They reassured me and gave me signs/symptoms to watch for, and my cramping was gone by noon. So I definitely ovulated on Monday. I then started my prometrium as per protocol, and the waiting began. Frankly, I didn't even consider success out of this cycle. In fact, at the u/s on 3/24, I had asked about our options after we exhausted our IUI benefits and injectables. The RE said IVF would be the next step, and so I had brought home info on that and had the talk with Ben. I was gearing up to start saving and getting healthy with our eye on a fall 2011 IVF cycle.

So, this past Tuesday, 4/6, I started to feel like I had the stomach flu. I was in the bathroom frequently, and didn't sleep well. I felt nauseated and ill all day Wednesday, in fact I went home from work early, and the nausea continued into Thursday when I almost puked on a patient while taking his blood pressure. (I didn't actually puke, but I started to gag and it was a near thing) I figured I should pee on something to get the BFN so I could take some pepto bismol or something.

So, after dinner I go upstairs to have a talk with myself to make sure I'm ready for the BFN. Once I was prepared (or at least as prepared as possible) for that darn blank space, I pee on the stick and promptly ignore it in favor of a book. A few minutes later I look down and did a double take. I thought I was seeing shadows, but nope, there was definitely a faint blue line there. I stated to shake in disbelief and went downstairs to my hubby, pee stick in hand. I asked him what he saw, and his response was "Well, I see a horizontal line and I see a vertical line. Is that a good thing?" I said, "I think so." He asked if I had peed to early, and I said maybe (referring to my trigger shot), so we decided to not get to excited. ;)

Friday morning arrived and I was wide awake at 0430, taking my temp (it stayed up) and peeing on sticks (yes, plural). Everything looked good, so I called my RE for a lab req to go get a beta drawn. Not at 0430, of course. ;) Beta came back at 41, which is just above the median for 11dpo according to betabase.info. And my RE called this morning to congratulate us (we were both shocked that we had success with TI), tell me to go for the next beta on Monday, and to keep on taking my prometrium. He said my progesterone level was good, but we want to be extra careful.

I am praying for some awesome doubling numbers! I'm going to devote a whole different post to the stick pictures as there are plenty of them by now. ;)