Cycle #12: Bring on the needles...

So here we are, the 12th cycle, almost 14 months from TTC start date, 18 months after I stopped taking the pill, and 4 and a half months after we lost our angel.

Let me introduce my new friend: the Gonal-f pen.
It's actually not that bad. After all, I give shots to plenty of other people, so you'd think giving them to myself would be a piece of pie. It helps that the needle is so very small and fine. ;)

So, the plan. Baseline u/s last Weds (01/27), Estradiol (E2) level (60), and begin 150 units Gonal-f nightly. I'm to continue the shots until Monday, have another E2 level drawn today (check), and call the office Monday am to get the results. I presume I'll be scheduling another u/s to check my pesky ovaries and their progress, and most likely continuing the pen for another day or two with more bloodwork. Needless to say, this cycle is already much more intensive than the Clomid ones, at least in the sense of things involved. It doesn't help that I've been down with the mother of all head colds for nearly a week now! :D

So, one more IUI and then we're taking a break if we have to. I know I've said that already multiple times, but I really haven't wanted to and felt forced to by some other things going on in our lives. However, God continues to work His mysterious ways in our life. Two days after we decided to go one more cycle, one day after I started the meds and found out our insurance does cover them, I got a call from the people who have the power to resolve our biggest headache and we're going to be meeting on Tuesday. I can't fathom God's reasoning behind the timing of this, so I will just continue to give thanks that it is happening at all. I am hoping and praying that we have more good news in store for us this upcoming month.

99 Things

I've borrowed this from another blog. You're supposed to bold the things that you've done in your life to date. :) I may need to get out more. :D

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (Disney World, in FL, right?)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightening storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16.Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (does it count if my husband was the pt and I rode along?)
47. Had your portrait painted (by my art teacher in an after school class as I was painting)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (Fish!)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Now it's your turn! Copy this into your blog and bold the things that you've done. Enjoy! :)

Since it's Sunday, here is my confession:

I am scared to pee on a HPT. I am scared it's going to be negative and I'm going to bawl my eyes out. I'm scared it's going to be positive and I'm going to bawl my eyes out.

Being pregnant would be infinitely better than not being pregnant, of course. But it will bring new fears of miscarrying again, and the strength I'll have to find to not simply stay in my bed for the next 38 weeks.

If we're not pregnant this time around, I'm going to be heartbroken. Not only because the fertility cycle was unsuccessful again, but because we're going to have to take a break from all the meds and IUIs. Do we want to? No! But we've got some instability with my husband's job right now, and I need to be able to focus all my energy on him and the situation, so it is not a good time to be running back and forth to my doctor (who is 45 mins away).

So here I sit, a 30 yr old woman, afraid to pee on a piece of plastic containing paper and dye. I'd be laughing at myself, if I wasn't sure I'd start crying.

Happy 101 Award!!

I have been awarded the Happy 101 award from Mrs. Andreazza at

Mr. and Mrs. C and Baby Makes Three!

Thank you, Mrs. A. :) You are such a sweetheart, all the time. ;)

The rules: List 10 things that make you happy. Pass it on to 10 bloggers that make your day a better one!

My List
(in no particular order)

1. My husband, Ben.
2. Our friends and families, especially our nieces and nephews.
3. Our cats.
4. All the blessings and miracles we've been given.
5. Prayer.
6. Music.
7. My job (nurse in a family practice).
8. Glorious sunrises that paint the horizon with brilliant colors.
9. Good books, good wine, and warm blankets to curl up in.
10. God and His unending love for us, His strength when I fail, and His everlasting mercy and grace.

My favorite blogs
(Sorry, I don't have 10 that haven't already been tagged)

• My Eggs and Ham (private blog-sorry)
• Our Journey
• Life After The City (private blog-sorry)
  
• The Matchinski Family
• Life From Pippy's Perspective
• Confessions of a Logophile
• A Healthier Me and Maybe Baby?

Thank you all for sharing bits of your lives through your blogs. I wish you all a blessed and wonderful 2010! (And the years to follow, too. :)

Update on IUI#3

Well, it's not an IUI anymore. :( Due to technical difficulties, this month has been switched to TI, which we are managing, so really it isn't a bad move. And frankly, I'm not all that upset, as this change in plans means that we still have four more IUIs covered by insurance, and those (if they need to happen)will be with injectables.

So, I went in Tuesday (1/12) for the u/s, and there were two littler guys right on top of each other in my right ovary. The RE couldn't get a really good look at them as little righty likes to hide, but he estimated them as about 16mm to 16.5mm. On the left was a 22mm follie! I couldn't believe it. :) So I triggered with the Ovidrel at about 1145am on Tuesday, and I think I ovulated later that evening because I had some strong pains in my lower abd. And my temp jumped Weds am. ;)

That is the long and short of it, and I will not be testing before Wednesday 1/28, which would be 14dpo. I may even wait until 15dpo just in case. Frankly, I really don't want to see another BFN, nor waste my more expensive tests. In the meantime I will be ordering some cheapie HPTs just in case. And doing a lot of praying, for both patience and peace as I am in need of both of those.