I am scared to pee on a HPT. I am scared it's going to be negative and I'm going to bawl my eyes out. I'm scared it's going to be positive and I'm going to bawl my eyes out.
Being pregnant would be infinitely better than not being pregnant, of course. But it will bring new fears of miscarrying again, and the strength I'll have to find to not simply stay in my bed for the next 38 weeks.
If we're not pregnant this time around, I'm going to be heartbroken. Not only because the fertility cycle was unsuccessful again, but because we're going to have to take a break from all the meds and IUIs. Do we want to? No! But we've got some instability with my husband's job right now, and I need to be able to focus all my energy on him and the situation, so it is not a good time to be running back and forth to my doctor (who is 45 mins away).
So here I sit, a 30 yr old woman, afraid to pee on a piece of plastic containing paper and dye. I'd be laughing at myself, if I wasn't sure I'd start crying.
24 January 2010
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It's so hard sometimes. I want you to know that whatever the outcome, I am here for you.
ReplyDeleteGL today.
Thank you, Cat. :)
ReplyDeleteI really truly know how you feel. It is such a heart wrenching decision. I'm always here for you no matter what the results are, or whether you decide to pee or not. xoxo
ReplyDeleteSome days I wonder what good I did in a past life to have found you guys. :D Seriously, though, I can never thank you enough for being the wonderful people you are. ::hugs from a sappy, weepy redhead::
ReplyDeleteOh Joy I wish you the best! No matter what happens, you have a wonderful group of ladies who are here to support you!!! (((hugs)))
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