Unaswered Questions.

Why does this have to be so hard? Why did my body decide to stop miscarrying halfway through the process, thus prolonging this agony? Why me? Why us? How am I supposed to return to normal when I just want to lay in bed and sleep or cry? Why is it that some days I'm fine and others I'm a wreck? Why is it that complete peace is eluding me? Why do I torment myself thinking about how far along I'd be right now, and how big our little angel would have been? Why does every cramp and every drop of blood remind me of how happy we were just a month ago?

I have all these questions, and no real, concrete answer to them. I guess I'm just going through a rough spot, maybe it's the fact that 2.5 weeks after the fact I am still miscarrying. Maybe it's having to help plan my sister's baby shower, or anticipating the arrival of my sister-in-law's second child. Maybe it's the feeling the pregnant women are just following me around. Whatever it is, I don't know if I can take it much longer. Something will have to give, and soon. I'm hoping and praying that what I'll lose is this funk, this depression I seem to be in. I really want to return to my usual self, my happy with life, thankful for my blessings self who enjoys living.

Right now I just want to weep.

God, please, I need your strength right now, I just can't do this by myself. I know you're with me, and I am so thankful for that. Please, lend me your peace and help me heal. Amen.