So, It's been a while now...

And things haven't really changed all that much. Well, at least on some fronts they haven't.

Not so good news:

• I'm on CD70, 5 days after my last progesterone pill, and still haven't gotten my period yet. I have had random cramping and some almost spotting, but no dice just yet. I'm really hoping that God is setting me up for a Christmas Day bfp, which would be simply awesome. :)
• We're having to finally deal with the fallout from Ben's brain injury at work (how his brain changes are impacting his job performances), and facing the possibility that he won't have a job come spring.
  

Good News:

• We have a new nephew born on 9/24, a beautiful little guy named Tyler Anthony whom I fell in love with when he was only 6 hrs old.
• My sister is now 32 wks along and getting ready for baby Nicholas to get here. She is so adorable with her big belly and little self, but I hear she is getting more and more uncomfortable, which for Amy = instant grumpiness. :)
• I am crying less about the loss of our little angel, and thanking God for those few weeks we had with him/her. I did lose it in church on All Saint's Sunday when we lit candles for our departed loved ones, though. I had to leave the sanctuary to go and break down in the ladies room, and a wonderful woman (whose name escapes me right now) followed me and held me while I sobbed. I am so thankful for the earthbound angels God sends in our times of need.
• As difficult as it is to face Ben's problems at work, his superintendent does want to keep Ben on if at all possible, and they are willing to work with us as long as we make the effort. This has necessitated a complete overhaul of our lives and how we do things (a work in progress), but I really thing this is a huge positive step for us, whether the end result is him continuing at his job or not. We are scheduled for a orientation with VESID, a state agency for people with disabilities, and are taking other steps to help him make progress at work. It is hard, but well worth it.
• I have joined a new choir! It is more advanced music than we do in my church choir, and I feel like I'm singing in college again. I love it!! We're doing some lovely Christmas music, and selected parts of the Messiah, and we have 3 concerts between now and 12/14. I am so excited! :D
  

All in all, I think life is on an upswing right now, although it is difficult not to get discouraged and wonder if anything will ever go right ever again. We keep plugging along though, and keep praying and giving thanks. And those little God moments keep happening, like this morning as I was sitting here, debating on whether I was up to blogging while home sick, deciding if I just wanted to crawl back in bed and sleep some more, and I read the newest post on this blog and started bawling (in a good way). The second clip down is from a movie I've never seen called Facing the Giants, and in it one actor is relating a story about two farmers praying for rain. After they were finished, one farmer went out into the field to prepare for the rain and the other didn't. Which one do you think truly had faith that God would answer his prayer and send the rain?
This hit home with me today. I have been praying so hard for a child, praying for guidance, praying for Ben; but I am not always preparing to receive God's answering of my prayers. What a realization! So many times I say to myself, well, I'll start that when this happens, or we'll wait to do that until we do this. How many times have I prayed for something, and then just waited instead of preparing to receive the blessing? (It makes me think of making dinner, but not washing plates to eat on. ;)
Where is this going? Well, I'm not entirely sure, but right now I feel a little clearer of purpose. I know I have faith in God and His promises, and I think I'm seeing how having faith isn't enough. I have to act on that faith, on that trust and belief. Thank you, God, for all these moments of clarity, for the times of grief, and the times of joy. For all of this and so much more.

Here is a song that I first heard earlier this week, and I simply love it. She sings beautifully and simply about how I've been feeling.